Yesterday....

It's such a nice day. It's cold and crisp but sunny and bearable. It feels like fall not winter. Pearce is outside getting chased by a little dog that lives across the street. He is so happy :) With the air comfortable enough to have the door open, I am watching him from my couch inside. To bask in this winter sun that is shining thru my windows is rare so I better absorb it while I can. But then again I don't dare. I sit and watch Pearce play on our grass that is finally visible since the snow and I ache. Its a melancholy feeling remembering how that was to not care about anything other than cutting thru the wind to beat everyone to the secret fort in our forest. The smells....... The yucca plants...... Brigham tea. Flash backs of the days I didn't have to please because I knew I was loved no matter what I did. It feels like this will be snatched up from me, this moment. I don't want it to be snatch up from him. My grasp is tight on it, or atleast I tell my self it is. But the irony is that it is always me that is the snatcher. I don't trust leaving the unknown in the hands of anyone else but myself, so I will wait and see if I will take this moment away to recover the reality that my past tells me is unforgiving and permanent or just let it be and accept it as a gift from the heavens that was saved by an unselfish entity. I do believe that last part but easily manipulate it just incase . I'm still learning to believe.