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3:20 p.m. I just pulled Pearce around in his sled that grandma Charlie got him for Christmas and IT WASN'T FUN . I WAS SO TIRED after one time around the house . Pearce is "feeding me" bark "marshmallows" as I write this on the porch, as if I have time to pretend . He's so childish . Why won't he just let me go inside and clean?! Tanner is going to be here in ten minutes and the house is a disaster! He will act like he is ok with the mess and tell me that it is ok, but deep down he must be thinking, "What the hell has she been doing all day?" . And as much as I would like to say, "I've been trying to play with Pearce to protect him from loneliness and to make him feel more special than the laundry and dishes that I will just being doing again tomorrow", its easier to just eat a half a loaf of bread before he comes so I will be able to deal with it later. Pearce is pretending to cook dinner with some sticks he found . I remember doing that as a kid . . . . While mom would be inside slaving away for an approval that should of come natural . . . . but didn't . And all of her hard work, I remember would go down the drain cuz we were just kids and didn't care to be clean . Looking back I wish I could of kept it clean for her, to help her save some sanity . Gosh, I wish Pearce wouldn't sit here and cook pretend pizza in his pretend oven and look up wondering why I don't understand CUZ THE TRUTH IS I DO, but I don't want to go back there again .